Alex is 10!

Crazy hat day.







Loves Corvettes!! Corvette museum at Bowling Green.








Preschool graduate!









Home haircut. Looks thrilled doesn't he?











First electric guitar! Now we can really rock out Green Day!




Wii'ing it.










Man would he love to take it home....









Sock puppet theater was a big event.






Awww....







Well, this is it, today is the day. My baby turns the big 1-0. Alex is excited. As per tradition, after school we will head to Washington to Ponderosa to gorge on as much ice cream as possible, and then hopefully to the park to feed the ducks if the rain holds out. I hope so, I know the day is quickly coming when he will be too old for such things. And then, with that said, he wants to go to the Verizon store for his first cell phone. Sigh...

I went into labor on a beautiful Thursday afternoon and he was born Friday morning at 7:25. We had a rough go of it. After 2 hours of pushing the doc was getting worried and started talking emergency c-sect. But with one last try with vacuum forceps, he was born. However, within just few moments, they were aware something wasn't right with his breathing and whisked him away. Turns out the duct that shunts blood away from the lungs before birth didn't do its thing and after birth blood still wasn't circulating like it should. Between that and being stuck in the birth canal for so long, I got a visit from the ped doc on call and she gave some thinly veiled hints that all might not be right in the days to come. However, two days later we took our beautiful baby home-healthy.

I suffered from post-partum depression, though at the time didn't know what it was. I was a nervous, terrified momma, and felt completely inadequate to care for him. But one morning, about 3 months in, we were playing in the floor and it just hit me. They say that bonding moment sometimes come on gradually, not for me. I was immediately just smitten. And being my first, he was the center of the world. We were inseperable, and when Ashten came along, it was hard for him to share that attention. It is so hard to help the firstborn make that transition, and I think he still feels cheated a bit.

Alex was a beautiful baby, is a beautiful kid-inside and out. From the time he just a few years old, people have commented on what a special kid he is. There is really just something about him, and it doesn't take long for the adults around him to notice. He was born old, and has always been comfortable with adults. Not that he doesn't do kid stuff, right now it is all about cars, guitars and video games. Once it was Thomas and monster trucks and tractors...sigh. I have never heard Alex have a bad word to say about anyone-with the exception of his sister, she really knows how to push the buttons. He is a good natured person and wants to make everyone happy. He learned to love God at a young age, and I remember once when he was younger telling me that when he prays he can feel God give him a big hug. He strives for straight A's. And it is all about the rules. No one is going to drive too fast on his watch. He has big plans to be a conservation officer and a famous song-writer/guitar player some day.

The fourth grade has been hard I think. This is the year that everything began to change. His best bud is about a year older-Alex is one of the youngest in his class-and now it is all about girls. Alex just isn't into that yet-at least not the girls his own age, he does have a thing for the Star Wars chick-and talks about the girl he will someday marry, he plans for them to live with us. I think he thinks he should be into the girls in his class, but he would still rather play the video games and have a good time. Honestly I think he would rather just hang with the adults most of the time. The awkward stage has begun. I just don't understand a kid that is so obsessive about having clean teeth, yet could care less about coming his hair or taking a bath!

I know the days are just going to go faster and faster. Soon I'll be watching him graduate. But I know God has big plans for his future, and it is exciting to see the person he will become. But I sure miss that little feller that loved to climb up in my lap for a good book and some snuggles. It gets harder and harder to remember Alex as that little guy.

Monday Musings

I truly am thinkin right now that Capn Crunch rocks! But man the hypoglycemia I'm gonna experience in a couple of hours really isn't worth it.

I love, love, love the weather!

I had the awesomest weekend ever!

I think it is a great thing to ovecome your fears to make memories with your family.

Bluetooth is one great invention...now if it would just do text messages as well......

There is nothing better than sitting next to water at sunset with your husband and kids.

I'm so glad it was a safe prom weekend!

I love quiet Mondays all to myself!

I really dispise daylight savings time! By the time I convince the kids to go to bed, it is STILL daylight, and there is no way I'm going to bed. Then I'm up wide awake a few hours later when it's daylight waayyy too early.

I think I'll take me dogs for a walk today after I'm done working.

I think I'm really not looking forward to cleaning out the Saturn. And oh, man, I forgot to get the mother in law's carpet cleaner! Darn it!

I'm looking forward to the Ya Ya's meeting tonight.

I think Tennessee people truly believe southern Indiana folks are major backwoods hicks. Go figure:)

I think Facebook is probably taking over entirely too much of my life.

I think it is time for some family portraits.

My baby turns 10 Thursday. I think it is getting harder to remember him as my little buddy, and if I dwell on this I'm gonna get too teary.

I think I need to get my butt in gear and get to work.

Embarrassing God Given Moments

Had another embarrassing morning. But it was also a God morning. So I'll share both.
I had an appointment with my ob/gyn this am. I was texting Andrea as I sat in the parking lot, feeling out of sorts. I had my Bible with me and opened it and read a verse-Romans 5:5-that just really spoke to my heart and my needs at that moment. So I told her to read it too, amazed and wanting to show her it had answered the thoughts of our last text. I did not know what was going on with her at the time, but God sure did. He used that one little verse to speak volumes to two different hearts. If you haven't read her blog, please do so. He will never let us down if we will simply put our faith in Him and listen!
Romans 5: 1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know tht suffering produces character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.
I cannot begin to express how God has been working in my life lately, and the lives of those close to me. He is so very HUGE.
Of course, I haven't got to the embarrassing part, however, through this embarrassing part, He has also spoken volumes to my heart.
So I'm in my little gown, wrapped in the littler sheet, trying to stay warm in nothing but that and my socks, waiting for the doc to walk in. I get the knock, and what is the first glimpse I get but of this massive hand wrapping around the opening door. Who should walk in but my male nursing instructor from way back in nursing school! This guy is a big man. Over 6 feet, very confident, very capable, very sarcastic, but funny. He absolutely terrified me in nursing school. Quite honestly, if it hadn't been for Andrea taking the time on the first morning of clinicals to stop and take my hands and pray with me in a quiet room I probably wouldn't have made it. That made a huge impression on me. Probably why we are close still today. Clinicals were not easy for me. I never felt competent at it. And to have this big scary guy to boot breathing down my neck...well..
Anyways, he sits down, and asks how I'm doing. He then asks if I'm comfortable with him doing the exam...uh NO, not really. So, ok, he says, we will reschedule you. All the while, as I sitting here in my little opened back gown, we are having a great conversation about my massage practice and how he would like to refer some people to me and about my grandma and how he would be more than happy to see her at home as a patient so she doesn't have to get out. And on his way out I get the friendly knee pat with a good to see ya. Go figure.
So maybe not such a big deal to some, but for me this was a huge deal. And I figure, if I can have a normal conversation with this guy in my tiny little exam gown, maybe I'll be okay after all. Maybe he's even ok too. And maybe nursing was never really where I was meant to be anyways. I've always felt as though I failed in that career. But,as a friend so wisely told me, it was all part of the journey to get me to where I am now, in a new church and Bible group, practicing the massage therapy that I so dearly have a passion for, and with a wonderful God-minded woman that I call friend who always has my back, even when she is ROFL at me.

Grace? No, Mercy? Please!

Okay, I told my dear friend this earlier this morning to make her smile, and said there was no way I would blog about it. But, I really have no self-control when it comes to telling embarrasing stories about myself.

So on recommendation from a gal, I bought the Core Rhythms workout dvds. I've been mourning the loss of my flat stomach since Ashten came along. I'm somewhat of an exercise fanatic, though making myself actually do it is somewhat of a challenge on most days. However, nothing seems to work on my post-baby belly-ehem, yes she's 5- so hey, why not. For those who haven't heard of this one, it is ab work done by latin dance moves. Who doesn't wanna be able to move like the DWTS folks? Yeah...

I am not coordinated, nor can I dance. So envision an awkard, self-conscious white gal in front of her tv trying to follow these incredibly good lookin latin gals who make it look very natural to twist and contort in ways I don't think we were created to move. Of course, being the dive right in, do it now kind of person I am, I skipped the intro dvd that breaks down the moves to give you a clue as to how to make your arms, legs and belly do these torture moves. How hard could it possibly be?? Hmm....

Well, it took about 10 seconds to figure out I had not a clue. But, determined, I followed along to the best of my ability. I was thanking my lucky stars I was alone in the living room, but worried about the big picture window in my living room giving the world a (hilarious) view of my backside as I twisted and bopped and tried to do the moves they had names for. Who knew there were real dance names for these crazy moves? And how in the world am I supposed to make my stomach move back and forth while shaking my backside AND flailing my leg to and fro? Needless to say, Ashten woke up about 3/4 of the way through, and sat on the couch to watch. When she asked what I was doing, and I replied exercise-well you can imagine her response.

So after finally humiliating myself thoroughly, I made it through. I'm not sure I actually did any good for my stomach, but what a workout on my pride. I've decided the next time -I refuse to let these gals get the best of me-I'll start with the beginner workout. Maybe I'll be in the next Lopez video, George Lopez that is...

Easter Sunday

Dad showed up at 7:30 this morning, which for today was fine, but he was informed on future weekends I wouldn't be unlocking any doors till after 8 at least. I had to finally yell at the kids to get up and see what treasures were waiting for them in the living room. We all went to church together and then it was off to my grandma's. She wasn't feeling very well today, although that isn't something she would ever admit. Most of my family was there, minus a nephew, a cousin who had to work-she's a hospice nurse, and another cousin who is in Afghanistan. Time to be treasured as at each family gathering I fear it will be our last with Grandma. I love sitting around her kitchen table after taking care of the dreaded mountain of dirty dishes with my aunts n cousins giving all the men a hard time. I seem to be The One in my family. By that I mean the one that takes the brunt of most of the teasing from everyone. (I do love to dish it out myself..)But being with family is the best. The place where it is always okay no matter what. There are very few places in this world where I feel as comfortable as I do sitting at my Grandma's kitchen table. Anyways, my cousin married a girl from Russia, and I never tire of her accent. She still has trouble getting the hang of some of our southern Indiana sayings. I have another in high school that is all about drama that I just love to tease, and another in college that I can see on the verge of serious commitment and is just getting started in her adult life. My brother now has the baby in the family, and I saw her walk for the first time today. My only brother, his only daughter, yeah I'm a little crazy about her. Grandma showed a picture of me at that age, and her brothers though that I was her. Man, I hope she doesn't act like me. Someone is always dragging in someone new, and there are kids and dogs and noise galore. Everyone was in good spirits, and even more so later in the day as they suckered me into free therapy time. Funny how that always seems to happen.
From there we visited Brian's mom for a little while. She told me about how her dad died on Easter in a car wreck, and while talking about the roof she needs to replace mentioned she probably wouldn't be here in 5 years anyways. I never think of her as getting old. She doesn't act 75. She is almost the same age as my grandma. To think that she won't be there when my kids graduate is just more than I want to contemplate. My kids adore her, and her and Alex have always had a special connection.
When we finally made it home, the kids sat down to finally enjoy their goodies and I turned on a show on the History chanel about God and Satan. It was discussing Revelation, which is a topic Alex loves to ask questions about right now. As they began talking about Rapture Alex looks and me and asks "you mean there is supposed to be suffering?" Brian tells him yes at the end days for those not saved. And Alex replies "man, I'm glad I was raised a Christian." Enough said.

Look to Him

God never takes something from you without putting something better in its place.
Psalm 138:8-The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, endure forever-forsake not the works for Your own hands.

The peace of God is unlike any other.
John 14:27-Peace I leave with you: My peace I now give you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

We are seeking a relationship with Him.
Psalm 84:2-5
My soul yearns, ye, even pines and is homesick for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out and sing for joy to the living God. Yes, the sparrow has found a house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young-even Your altars, O Lord of hosts. Blessed are those who dwell in Your house and Your presence; they will be singing Your praises all the day long. Bessed is the man whose strength is in You.

He is waiting with open arms.
Revelation 3:20-21-Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears and listens to and heeds My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will eat with him, and he with me. He who overcomes is victorious, I will grant him to sit beside Me on My throne, as I Myself overcame and sat down beside My Father.

Practice, practice, practice...

I went to lunch with a friend today. We've been friends since grade school, but somewhere in there lost each other for awhile. She is getting herself to a good place, and I'm happy for her. As we were sitting there, a couple of gals came in and sat down in the booth across from us. And unfortunately, I didn't practice my preaching so much. This girl was in my class and caused me a lot of grief growing up. Always made me feel like I was less, the type of gal that just make us feel like we don't belong. Anyways, I basically pretended she wasn't there. Yeah, I know...
So then we decided to stop by a another pal's house before parting ways. This friend moved away when we were in jr. high, and then moved back after high school. I haven't seen her in probably 12 years, but it was a bummer cause she wasn't home. We got into a lot of mischief, the three of us, back in our wilder days....
On the way home, I heard this song. I did not know it existed, but the psalm it is based upon has a very special place in my heart. I wasn't really paying much attention to the radio as I was busy texting (yes, it is stupid to text and drive, don't do it) but the words started catching my attention. I almost had to pull over for a few and get it together.
So maybe not a class reunion today:) but I'll keep working on it....

Livin Life

No sooner did I have some alone time this morning to learn from God did I get tested with a phone call and a visit. It's not even eight yet. Sigh....This has been a week...

I've been doing a study the past few days on spiritual warfare. Here is some more of what I have learned.....

Entering the rest of God is warfare. The devil can do nothing if you stay stirred up and on fire walking in love. And rest means simply that-rest.

When we ask God for things He has to prepare us for what we are asking for. (this is a biggie for me and I know it to be true as I look back and see how He has answered prayer in my life. I just had never thought about it like that.)

Hurting people hurt people. Yeah, it's pretty obvious, but let God use you and don't live by your feelings. Do what's right even when you still feel wrong. Hmmm....

Don't live a single day without praying for God to put people in your path that you can make a difference to and help. Quit trying to decide for yourself and by yourself if they deserve your help, do it anyways.

And once again I heard about the walls that go up to keep us from getting hurt. Man it is all about the walls.....

And so now it is off to live it like I preach it:)

Hands and Feet

I am lucky enough to have satellite radio in my car. On the way to French Lick earlier, I turned it from Kids Stuff (amid protests) to one of the contemporary christian stations. I haven't listened to it in a long time, but one of my favorites from back then came on-Hands and Feet.
I haven't really been His hands and feet in quite some time. For awhile, back 4 or 5 years ago, my relationship with God was strong. Alex was only a couple of years old, and I can look back and see what a huge impact that had on him. He was baptized at 5, and though some think this is too young, I know he understood what was going on. He came to us asking. I saw God working in his life at a very young age.
Unfortunately, I got to a comfortable place, fell away from church, from my Bible, and floated along. I wasn't growing spiritually, but I wasn't really noticing it either. Like I said, I was just floating along, living my life.
As I was listening to this song, I realized that I really have been unfair to Ashten. Only for a short time when she was smaller did she ever really see me truly walking with God. She hasn't spent time in the church like Alex, she hasn't seen me living that life. And I know all kids are different, but she doesn't have that strong sense of right and wrong, of knowing who God is. I have let her down.
And I can see too, that it affected many more in my life. One person living for God can make a huge difference.
I've been living worldly, not Godly, and for that my family and my friends have suffered.

It is sometimes incredibly hard to be still and listen. And when we do get to that point, we often experience great things. But sometimes we also don't particularly like what we hear. But then, that is when we are growing the most. It is also sometimes incredibly hard when we begin to listen to take that step of faith and be obedient in what He is asking us to do. To step away from that comfort zone, to open ourselves up to people and opportunities.
I read in the Book of John this morning about the vine and the branches. About God's pruning so that we can grow and be more fruitful. I cannot bear fruit without being in Him. Nor can I be his Hands and Feet.

Know That He is Listening

I feel so compelled to write about this this morning, my heart is just pounding. There are times when you just know it is all from God.

I watched Joyce Meyer this morning. I decided to record her 12:30 am message before I went to bed last night..I hadn't watched her show in probably 2 years before the past couple of days.

Her message was all about John 14:27.
Peace I leave with you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. Stop allowing yourself to be agitated and disturbed and do not permit yourself to be intimidated nor fearful and unsettled. (From the Amplified Bible.)
So God is telling us not to try to have peace, but to have peace through the fruit of the spirit that is within you. You have to be active, not complacent in your quest for peace. Say "I will have" instead of "How do I".

Ephesians 6:16 tells us to lift up the shield of faith and believe He is God. Trust Him in all your ways. Have faith in God and there you will find peace. Actively believe in God and trust in His word. Lean not unto your own understanding (Proverbs 3)(Romans 8:28)(James 1:5). Our understanding cannot begin to fathom His works. Our understanding cannot begin to comprehend His love and forgiveness. But if He can forgive us for our trespasses, can we not in His glory forgive those around us? His love is huge, He loves us and desires us to be happy. In His love, we can forgive. We can forgive and live lives of unfathomable peace.

Do not be quick to judge, and forgive the trespasses of others. We are all looking for love and understanding that no human will ever be able to give. We spend time searching for it in the things of this world. This world will ultimately will let us down. God will not, ever. He answers prayer. Maybe not always the way we want or like, and not always in our timing, but trust that when He answers, it will bless you beyond belief.

Please take some time to let this speak to your heart. He desires to have a relationship with you.

Thinkin Tuesday

My fellow friends have been known to post Thinkin Thursdays..I am gonna "ditto" only obviously it is Tuesday, not Thursday.

I think I should pay more attention to what Ashten is wearing before we get out in public.

I think the kids station on satellite radio should play Threw Her Out the Window more.

I think the McDonalds playplace has entirely too many rules.

I think I spend not enough time in the realm of adults during the day.

I think Brian should forevermore do the grocery shopping. Maybe then there would be something to eat in the house.

I think it is entirely too cold to be April.

I think God truly wants me where I am in my job, and I am so glad I took that step of faith to get into it, even though I (along with everyone else) thought it was insane.

I think I love my job. I think He is there picking me up every time I lose faith in what I'm doing.

I think the events of Sunday morning were amazing.

I think I love my new church.

I think I needed it to get through what transpired with my family later in the day.

I think I have missed my late night "God sessions" and feel incredibly humbled He is gracious and loving enough to resume our conversations.

I think He is most definitely working in our little group.

I think those women are incredibly precious, and each brings such unique attributes and gifts. They are indeed an answer to prayer.

I think there are big things He is working on, as I see Him working through each of us daily.

I think being still is sometimes very hard.

I think I'm very tired today.

And the Walls Came Down

Why is it that so many tend to feel insecure about their place in life? So many live with so many hurts, they tend to let insecurity feed on itself till they are a mixed up jumble of self-loathing, afraid to reach out to others because they fear rejection. I realize I've always dealt with the issue. I just was too self-absorbed to notice others around me had the same problem. We tend to put up these walls, afraid to let others in, and by doing so we push people farther away. So this vicious cycle goes round and round, and we never let anyone over that wall. I was shown a valuable lesson today. I took my eyes off of myself and looked around and listened. And just by showing a little understanding and a lot of love-and yes, I let the wall down- I was blessed with being able to help someone else realize they too need to let the walls come down as well. So what about you out there? Aren't you worthy as well? Does the fear of rejection keep you from being where and what you want to be? Let your light shine.

Mommy's Little Girl

So very cute!

Ashten is totally ready to open the pool!!

Today was the big day-immunizations for round-up. I picked Ashten up from preschool and drove to the Health Dept. without telling her what was up. Unfortunately, she figured it out pretty quick. As I filled out the paperwork Ashten layed on the floor making grunting noises to let me know she was not a happy camper. When the time came she began crying and clinging to the large wooden toy she had been playing with. I swear that child was like a brick. I could not pick her up. After pleading, I was kinda able to carry her (imagine her hanging off my side kicking and screaming) in and set her down on my lap. There were four injections, and as you can well imagine, it was just horrible. But we got through it, and then it was off to McDonald's and Pamida to buy the toy I had tried to bribe with. Ashten now has her battle scars-with pretty bandaids to boot-and is telling everyone how Mommy hurt her shoulder trying to pick her up off the floor to get the shots. She is so excited about starting school now, but told Dad she feels really sorry for Mom cause she knows she is sad about it. I can now hear Alex in the other room telling Ashten the ins n outs of school. She is asking lots of questions which makes him feel like the big authority. And I am sad. I got five short years with my baby all to myself. Between her and Alex, I've had a little one with me for the past 10 years now. I know how fast she is gonna grow up. Friends will become more important, and she won't need us there so much. Ashten is an amazing little person, with such a good sense of humor and a warm heart that contrasts her diva-ness to no end. She is so much like me when I was little that I can look at her and know exactly what is on her mind. I pray daily that she makes the right choices in the years to come. Growing up is so very hard. I'm gonna be an absolute wreck when the day comes.